Sunday, January 25, 2009

Me and My Box

Things that don't suck today:

The Rectangle I did drive in a rectangle. I panicked, but luckily for me, there really are some understanding people in this world. I'm going to try again in a week and actually I feel much better about it.

Oh, my pretty Valentine... I've decided to make a homemade Valentine because Hallmark didn't carry my sentiment. I know, I'm such a girl...

Sweet Cherry I've been sad without my Door County wine, but I found a lovely cherry wine while on my rectangle trip that I really enjoy.

Falling off a steep cliff Slowly but surely I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing. It's funny how time works...

Karma Police I'm thinking they work at my work and this is a very good thing. The truth lies within...I'm just sayin'.

Effort doesn't start with an A I'm loving the poetry right now, it's a little bit sassy. Perhaps I'll share...maybe

However, America does start with an A Baby steps, big brother, baby'll be here soon enough (I hope).

That seems like A LOT of coffee I'm smiling in scoops right now.

P.S. I heard a rumor about you...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

What's that word I'm looking for...?

This just makes me laugh...

Nicholas and Emma M

Monday, January 19, 2009


I think that I was born with a love song stuck in my head.

Intense, moving, a wishing well of tears and a relaxing falling into something that only looks crafted, but is actually natural.

Like the cello or the piano, love brings a momentum that can reach out and grab you, while turning soft at just the right minute to envelope your entire existence. It can actually create mood arguments within a simple human being, as we all know that the very thing that many of us dream of can become merciless and dismissive in just a heart beat.

Of course, when it's good, it can stay in a soul's memory for a lifetime.

Breathing with a life of its own.

Sometimes, I find myself singing along without even realizing it...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My welcome what?

I'm kind of in the mood for a plastic fork to the eye...mine, someone else's, no matter, it's all the same...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Go to my room!

Things that don't suck today:

5 Year Old Love Nicholas left me the best message ever. "Hi Mama, I love you, I'm going sledding and then to hockey and then dinner and then a drink and then bed. The cat is meowing, why is the cat meowing? I love you Mama."

Paws off the baby bot Yay, for chat babies and build-a-bot. Our chat room is coming along nicely and now you can ask the help desk anything.

Sibling Rivalry I've missed my brother and our football squabbles. Tonight has been fun with him. And we agree on one thing...

Left my heart in Nashville But I laughed my ass off when the Ravens beat the Titans.

Can you read?!?! I got an e-mail at work yesterday that I'll be laughing about for awhile. People should actually read it out loud when they create an e-mail address. Seriously, I don't care what your name is. jodoinbob@_____ . com is just too freaking funny.

Butter shot me! Love Buttershots and Baileys and have had way too much of it in the last two nights. Haha

Boys will be boys Age is just a number.

Poetry is for losers Ooooh, pick me, pick me.

Today is just a good day.

For a good time


Incredulous, My Offense

Sitting on the back porch, having my last half cigarette of the day, the rain reminded me of a manic cycle much like the one that I've been putting to rest. Without seconds, the water goes from constant clicking repetition to a harsh and pushing upset.

A funny thing happened to my narcissistic metaphor just then, as I pictured you standing in the storm. Icy rain pelted you and while I was cold and wet, the want to reach out and grab you was strong and fierce.

As I thought about you weathering the nastiest part in the dark of night, I thought about how you'd actually been there the whole day long. Realizing that brought slow and light tears to my cheeks.

You stood out there for me, as the tick tock rain drops persisted with a constant rhythmic, gentle tapping. I heard your voice in my mind, telling me the same things over and love me, we're okay, I make you happy, you want a life with me...repeat, repeat, repeat.

The grace in which you've held onto me so tightly has amazed me.

With so many things happening around us, weathering life with its sirens and surprise, you stood out there for me for love.

If I can ever give you shelter like you've given me, I will.

I've had a little TOO much cowbell

On letting go...

I've found that it's easier to do when he's calm and I can see the parts of him that I fell for in the first place.

Logically, that doesn't make a lot of sense to me as you'd think that seeing glimpses of "the old him" would draw me in closer.

But it's the good parts of him that I want to take with me as I continue my journey. His funny redneck comments, slapstick sense of humor, the oxymoron of his soothing rough voice... there are certain things that whenever I hear them, I think of him. I'm glad that a lot of those things are positive.

So, I'll care for him a little bit longer while he needs me and then I'll let him go and be wiser and happier for it.

That's all for now.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Delete me again...and, oh baby, again and again

Mixed emotions.

Listening to his voice...that voice that I came to need, the soothing part of my day, the man that I believed loved me...

Hearing his voice today has brought me all kinds of feelings. I'm up, I'm down, I talk too much, I have no idea what to say.

I've been doing a decent job in the last month of trying to process and delete the bad parts, much like he deleted me. There was a period of time when I was angry and I dealt with it because I'm not going to walk around and be that person. I refuse to be that bitter person that doesn't get rid of things.

I'm strong enough to let myself cry and smart enough to know that this, too, shall pass.

Of course, it's not all brave shield. Today I felt girl pathetic and just as dumb as ever wanting to reach for him. If I could have crawled through the phone to just hold him, I surely would have. I'm going to worry about him even more than I was, he's not in the best of shape after a death in the immediate family.

But that's just me.

And I'm not going to hide from me.

So, I'm going to let myself have a few tears and some bad poetry and the incredibly sinking knowledge that I am going to be just fine.

Love is just another term for crazy.



Monday, January 5, 2009

If you see Kay on the First Date

Things that don't suck today:

Lily was better than Dolly Back to work, thank gawd. 4 days off was just too many, made me all anxious and itchy. Well, maybe that was the cold, dry weather too.

Emma M My ex husband and his gf had their baby this morning. I'm happy for them and oh, so glad it's not me.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas No, I'm not late, but my son was. I got his gift the other day and he did so good picking me out something just for me. It's a pretty silver snowglobe with music. He was proud of himself for what he'd picked and I was too.

Life gives you lemons You find a cute boy mechanic to fix it for you. I'm crossing my fingers, not for the cute boy (been there, done him), but I really need new brakes.

Frankly, my dear... I'm not sure if being indifferent is good or bad, but it certainly feels better than being sad.

Oh, pretty Valentine... A girl can dream of a romantic Valentine's Day, right.... Batch of flowers: $50.00, Box of candy: $15.00, Hallmarky card: $3.00, Deciding that you deserve more than an internet love song: Priceless.

Dancing with myself On a dead girl's grave. I'm not reinventing myself, just changing names. I'm still the same bad writing, off my chair, crazy, in love with football and boys and coffee and wine, girl that you've always known.

Be good, lovelies.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I've not decided which one I like best...but for now, I'll camp out here.