Monday, February 9, 2009

I don't know what it's called...

I've started this sentence at least twenty times and I erase it because it's not working.

I hear cliches and voices in my head saying, "oh, no, don't say that out loud..."

So, what do I know? The short version (maybe, maybe not):

1. I let myself be taken advantage of, I chose to go there (let's be clear, he said he wanted me there but he didn't make me go), while I let my quest for answers and my fear get the better of me.

2. I finally have an end to the 4 month roller coaster. My answer turned out as simple as the people that love me told me it was, that he was a bad person and that I didn't do anything to deserve what he did to me in the first place.

3. If I never speak to him again, it will be too soon. It's not anger that makes me say that, it's freedom.

4. While I am feeling relief that I finally closed a door, it is my belief that I have closed another door as well.

5. The thought of that makes me want to cry.

6. Hurting someone's feelings, I don't really know a better way to say that...he wasn't my boyfriend (although I wanted him to be) and the most that he could say was that he thought he might like me a lot (I thought about him a hundred little times throughout the day)...he was important me to and hurting his feelings makes me sad.

7. In order to fix one thing, I broke another. I should have just talked to him about what was going on with me.

8. I'm starting to wonder about myself...I've never been big on lying to myself, but I feel like I did this time.

9. An obsessive need for answers and fear shouldn't touch on the plate, as they do not go well together.

10. I miss someone. He's lovely and well... I meet him and it scares me. How screwed up is that?

11. My brother did a good job taking care of me yesterday. I asked him why he doesn't say "I told ya so," and he just loves me. He said, "that's kinda my job".

12. I should stop before I sound whiny (ridiculous and crazy is fine though).


  1. I wish I could give you a big REAL hug instead of just a cyber one {hug}

  2. I told you so's happen when you're more concerned about being right than you are about being there.

  3. Gill and I love you, M. Learn. Move on. *HUGS*


  4. Yeah, I'm late, but *HUGS*

    I miss you.