Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Delete me again...and, oh baby, again and again

Mixed emotions.

Listening to his voice...that voice that I came to need, the soothing part of my day, the man that I believed loved me...

Hearing his voice today has brought me all kinds of feelings. I'm up, I'm down, I talk too much, I have no idea what to say.

I've been doing a decent job in the last month of trying to process and delete the bad parts, much like he deleted me. There was a period of time when I was angry and I dealt with it because I'm not going to walk around and be that person. I refuse to be that bitter person that doesn't get rid of things.

I'm strong enough to let myself cry and smart enough to know that this, too, shall pass.

Of course, it's not all brave shield. Today I felt girl pathetic and just as dumb as ever wanting to reach for him. If I could have crawled through the phone to just hold him, I surely would have. I'm going to worry about him even more than I was, he's not in the best of shape after a death in the immediate family.

But that's just me.

And I'm not going to hide from me.

So, I'm going to let myself have a few tears and some bad poetry and the incredibly sinking knowledge that I am going to be just fine.

Love is just another term for crazy.




  1. we're all a just depends where on that continuum that you fall....

  2. "Love is just another term for crazy."

    Totally made me think of "free is just another word for nothing left to lose".

    Hang in there, hon!

  3. glad you found your way here.HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGS

  4. You couldn't have put it any better with that comparison of love to crazy. It's tough, but hang in there!

  5. So glad to have found you here. Hang in there, things will get better if you allow them to, and it sounds like you're on the right track. Take care. Hugs.

  6. I'm sure that you will be fine. You know the old adage, "Time and tide will heal". Besides, you are a survivor. I hope that the hurt goes away soon for you, M. You deverve so much better...

  7. You summed it all up so well in the last sentence...